I fell in love at first sight.

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The first time I saw the man who would eventually become my husband, I was 14 years old. He was the barista at my local coffee shop and I remember stumbling over myself trying to sneak a better look at him.

 

He was 5 years older than me and I was so shy, I wouldn’t dare enter the cafe when he was working. My crush soon became the joke of all my friends and family. The "Coffee Man", they nicknamed him, since his real name was a mystery. 

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As a decade passed, I graduated high school and had a couple of not-so-wonderful long term relationships.

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And then one day, I found myself on a date…

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on the beach…

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at night…

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with The Coffee Man.

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I was 24 years old and from that day on we were inseparable. I loved him so deeply…

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But sex was another story.

 

Two years into our relationship, my desire for sex started to decline. At first, I thought it was a phase. I went to the health food store and researched online for natural libido enhancers - but nothing seemed to work. I figured the phase would pass.

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I waited.

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I went to the doctor and had my hormone levels tested. They were perfect for my age.

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I continued to wait.

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My patience started growing thin. I became critical with myself. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I’m in my twenties - this is crazy! Sexual dysfunction was meant for old people - not me! What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get turned on for the man who I loved so much? The man who I thought was absolutely GORGEOUS?!

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Time passed and the "phase" didn’t end, it got worse. I started creating poisonous thoughts about myself and sexuality like: “I’m just not that sexual of a person”  and “Men need sex much more than women” and “A good girlfriend has sex with her partner when he wants it so he can feel happy and fulfilled in their relationship.”

 

I was constantly comparing my sexual existence to the active and happy sex lives of others. I felt like I was broken. I was in my 20’s and I felt like a massive disappointment to myself and to my husband. Looking into the mirror reflected back an old, ugly hag - far from the sexy, vibrant woman I wanted to be.

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I forced myself to have sex when I didn’t want to. He never knew until...

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pretending became too much pressure. Despite not wanting to, I found myself rejecting him all the time. This guilt lead me to promising him sex every Monday night. I scheduled sex like you would set up a doctor's appointment or arrange for a dog-walker. I felt this was the only way I could mentally prepare for it. “I’m a newly married woman in the prime of my life. Why am I scheduling sex with my drop-dead-gorgeous husband? Why do I need to mentally prepare for something I should be naturally craving?!”

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What I didn't grasp at the time was that each week, I was mentally preparing for all of the feelings that came along with pretending. I was forcing myself to be inauthentic out of fear. In my heart, I was terrified that my husband would leave me if I didn't satisfy him. Monday after Monday, I was training myself - rewiring my brain - to cope with feelings grief, guilt, sadness, anger, resentment, frustration and eventually numbness, instead of pleasure and the shared intimacy I should have felt naturally with the love of my life. 

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Ready for the twist?

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I had sexual desire for other men.

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I had a massive amount of sexual energy built up in my body that made me feel like I was going to spontaneously combust.

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Was I going insane?  Was I broken? Was the Universe playing some huge cosmic joke on me?

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I scoured the earth for an answer.

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I read countless books, hired sex therapists, sex coaches, tantric coaches, relationship coaches, attended retreats and workshops, listened to speakers and podcasts. I searched and searched, far and wide, for an expert in this field. You name it - I did it.

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I hit rock bottom eventually.  I finally told my husband that I didn’t want to have sex anymore. I didn’t want to feel responsible for his sexuality - a duty I took on when we started dating.

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I felt horribly ashamed. I started avoiding him, not making eye contact or affectionately touching. I was constantly on edge, worried that he would try to initiate sex and I would reject him and feel even more guilt. My fairy-tale relationship was crumbling.  

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There were no experts to be found and nothing seemed to lead me any closer to an answer.

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No one had the solution, so I created it myself.

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I felt utterly alone in my dilemma. But being alone gave me incredible freedom. I knew the responsibility to change my life was mine and mine alone. I needed do my own research. I needed to devote my life to working in this field. I knew that if I could break through this sexual barrier in my own life, I would be able to help others do the same exact thing. I went back to school to become a sex coach. I spent hundreds of hours studying under the world's most respected and knowledgeable sex coaches, collecting immense knowledge about love and sex and developing my own sexuality.

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Eventually, I found the answer that had been escaping me for years. I discovered the formula that allowed me to transform and revolutionize my sex life into a happy, necessary, fulfilling part of my being. 

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This formula set me free. 

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It is a blueprint for life that I created and have used, over and over again, to help countless others find genuine fulfillment in their sex and love lives. 

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I lived sexily ever after.

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Since transforming my sexuality, I am free from all the worry, pressure, guilt, disgust and shame that used to encrust my sexual existence. That old stuff has been replaced with a sexuality that is authentic and full of endless love and pleasure. I look back on where I started this journey with a true sense of wonder. I honestly cannot believe that I used to live that way - so trapped and fearful in a life I did not want. 

 

Sexual energy is the essence of life. It inspires and motivates every other aspect of our daily life. If you are trapped or stuck in your sexuality, you are fundamentally cut off from a rich and full and exciting existence. We are born through sexual energy. It is life force.  It is the spark that ignites our being. When we are in love and deeply connected to that wellspring of energy, those are the moments that we feel most alive. 

 

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You Can Too.

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We are told that men aren't supposed to explore their sexuality fully and freely. They aren't allowed to connect to their heart. We are told that men should never admit to any weakness, let alone sexual uncertainty or dissatisfaction. It is my mission to free men from this closed and narrow view of love, sex and purpose that directly cuts off their true potential as lovers and causes suffering. I connect men back to the essence of life. To regain vigor and confidence and aliveness, that newfound essence, which will spill out into all other areas of life.

 

I know what it’s like to feel different, broken and sexually unfulfilled. Here's the truth: You have a choice. Either be trapped by your sexuality or use it as a tool that transforms you into the person you want to be. Your fullest potential. 

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You owe it to yourself.