WHAT THE HELL IS SEX COACHING?
People often wonder what the hell I do. “Men’s sex coach?! What, do you watch people have sex and tell them how to do it better?!”
Sex happens in the brain. It is fully experienced in the brain. The brain is truly our largest and only sexual organ. The quality of pleasure you feel in your sexual encounters, the amount of intimacy and love you experience in sex and relationships, the level of confidence you feel in yourself, in your sexual ability and in your love life, the way you attract or don't attract women, ability or inability to commit, being able to keep an erection, cumming too fast or too slow, your capacity for unconditional love - are all completely rooted in the brain.
And, as coach, I work on developing sexuality and depth of love in the brain. By doing this, you are actually changing the software that your sexual experiences and love relationships run on. Imagine switching to a software that allows you to have the pleasurable experiences, the confidence, the woman, the love and intimacy that you have always desired. This isn't a fantasy. The only reason some dude's have it and some dude's don't is how their brain works. Period.
Imagine that when you come into this world that you have 2 things. The energy of your being and one program downloaded on your brain, "DO NOT DIE."
Everything else is downloaded from your environment, media, your parents, school, society, culture, on and on. The way we learn and retain important information is through repetition. When things are repeated to you or by you, it becomes a part of you. This is how magical and miraculous we are as human beings. When we interact with something in reality, repeatedly, cells in our brain - an organ in our body! - start to vibrate and they turn into neurons and those neurons turn into neural networks and those networks turn into pathways that link together. We are taking something in our physical reality and, through repetition, are making it a part of our physical being! It's amazing to think about.
Take learning the piano as an example. When you begin, it feels outside of you. It feels like you'll never truly know how to play. You sit down and practice and eventually you know how to play a few chords. You keep practicing. Now you can play the first half of your favorite song. You keep practicing. And now, you are a full blown pianist. You have created a network in your brain.
When someone makes a statement like - I speak French or I am a guitarist - what they are really saying is that they have taken all parts of that "thing", transferred it into their brain as a physical neural network and now it has become who they are. Learning a language or an instrument are examples of consciously creating a network, but most of our networks were taught to us when we were little and unaware of who we truly want to be.
Now, if we go back to the moment you are born, your heart and sexuality are totally free. They are in their natural form. You have full ability to love yourself and others. Sex and love are the most natural things to us. It is who we are. We wouldn't exist without sexually energy. It is our life force and every one of us was created through it. Fetus' even masturbate in the womb:
Problems start to arise within us when we are taught to be something we are not. When we are conditioned away from what is natural to us and to our bodies. If religion taught you that sex was a sin, if your parents taught you that sex was shameful, if school taught you that sex is dangerous, if porn taught you that sex is disconnected, if society taught you that sex is what you need to be a man - the repetition of these thoughts, beliefs and ideas start to become a toxic crust that surrounds your natural sexuality and ability to love. Now, sex and intimacy begin to feel shameful, disconnected, dangerous, pleasurable, needed and sinful. This is conditioning.
Conditioning is the effect of neural networks on behavior. These networks fire in appropriate situations. If you have a network to play the piano, it starts to fire when you see a piano in your environment. Your network for sex fires in sexual situations. The problem is that if your sexual network is encrusted with negative emotions, it throws your ability to feel confident, loving and fully in the moment out the window.
As an example, I work with a lot of men who feel like their bodies are betraying them. Sometimes they can keep an erection with a woman, other times not and they don't know how to control it. When we follow this automatic behavior down to the root cause in the brain, I find time and time again that these clients were taught that being a man means having sex with any woman who wants to have sex with them. Their network is out of alignment with who they really are. Their penis, quite literally, becomes a compass - telling them that they are either naturally turned on by the woman they are with or not. The body, the heart always knows the truth. We become confused and disoriented by what we have been taught and conditioned to be and what the body is showing to be true.
Let's take a moment to review some key points:
1. You come into the world as a naturally loving and sexual being.
2. Society, media, your parents, school, friends, culture, religion, ect repeat beliefs and ideas to your young brain that condition you away from being your natural essence and encrust your natural ability to love and experience pleasure.
3. This misalignment shows up in your love and sex life as problems and issues, lack of confidence, erectile dysfunction, fear of commitment, a numbed out experience of pleasure, inability to attract the woman you want, sexual shame, fetishes, - on and on.
Whatever we think or believe about sex flows through our physical body as behavior. Those behaviors create the level of pleasure or level of overall satisfaction (or lack there of) we have in our love and sex life. The belief creates a feeling, the feeling creates a behavior, the behavior creates the experience. This is why I don't teach tips and tricks you would read in a magazine. If sex is experienced in the brain, what is trying a new position going to do? It may stimulate a new sensation, but overall, won't change the experience of pleasure much because the experience of pleasure must be upgraded at it's source, in the brain.
My coaching centers around understanding what my clients believe about sex/love and how that effects the way they experience sex/love and then literally practicing, just like the piano, brand new beliefs and feelings that recondition the way you experience sex and love. It is a complete upgrade of love and sex.
DO YOU WANT TO
Attract your dream woman and keep her satisfied and happy?
Pleasure a woman beyond anything she's ever experienced?
Reach levels of sexual intimacy that you didn't know were possible?
Approach every aspect of life and love with clarity and confidence?
Open your heart fully to your current or future partner?
Claim your masculine energy and feel confident and powerful in your sexuality?
Become an unforgettable lover?
Is coaching therapy?
Coaching is not therapy. In coaching we are creating together. We are working toward and creating the vision you desire for your sex/love life. We have a north star that we are journeying to. A coach shows you how to attract or create what you want, upgrades your knowledge and equips you with the tools you need to achieve a specific goal - all while keeping you accountable to that goal. When you start to get lazy, a coach is there to point you back toward you north star.
Do you use touch or sexual techniques in your coaching sessions?
I do not. Nothing sexual happens in any of the sessions. Think therapy vibe. Sometimes you will receive a practice that requires you to self pleasure or is sexually involved but this is done in your own privacy, either by yourself or with a partner.
How are coaching sessions performed?
Because I have clients all over the world, my sessions are done over the phone. I sometimes work with clients in person, if necessary, during the coaching process.
Do you watch or listen to me have sex?
I do not. Sometimes we will explore in depth what you experience in your sexual encounters if necessary to achieve your desired goal.
What happens in the coaching sessions?
During the session, we spend time becoming conscious of your unconscious belief systems and programs that currently run your love and sex life and transform them so that you can reach your desired outcome. We heal past traumas. We upgrade your knowledge about sex, love and relationships. We make massive shifts in perspectives around what is available to you. We move you into alignment with the goal you desire. This is done in many different ways, using many different tools. Coaching, just like sex, is an experience and that experience is profound and unique to each client.
How did you become a Men's Sex Coach?
Just like other professions, I went to school for it! I attended the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality and am certified in sex, love & relationship coaching.
Why do you work with men and do you only work with men?
My brand is pointed towards single men because I hold a special place for men in my heart. I have always felt a deep, loving connection toward the masculine. I believe there are no true outlets or avenues for men to be able to work on their sexuality and love lives, yet there are thousands of resources for women. Many, many men are suffering silently in emotional pain, lack of confidence, loneliness and feeling numbed out or disconnected. I believe this is why the male suicide rate is 40% higher than females and I feel called to do this work. I am passionate about men, their issues and what is important to them. I am passionate about teaching women about men and bringing everyone together in deep unconditional love and understanding. I am passionate about moving society away from a male stereo type that says that men are dumb, or heartless or fearful or toxic. It is a gross falsity.
I do also work with women and couples often, but my passion is in allowing men to open their hearts fully to love.
How many sessions will I need?
Everyone is different but I work with most clients in a 3 month container. Repetition and practice are very important and when the client commits to 3 full months, they get the results they desire. Imagine wanting to learn the piano. If you went to one or two piano lessons, you wouldn't get very far without the full education and practice.
Why should I go on the coaching journey?
Sex and love are some of the least developed areas of our lives. Most people think you should innately know how to manage both but the truth is that these are the areas of life that are most meaningful to us and cause the most suffering. We spend time on work, on our house, our spirituality, but rarely take the time to understand what we want out of love or the gift of pleasure that our bodies offer us.
Isn't this the whole point?